A Woman of Worth

There comes a point in your life where people from your past, whether they be friends, close relationships, or even family members don't seem to follow you into your future. As someone who feels they continually reach out to keep connections, when I'm failed to be received on their end, the relationship eventually fades in the darkness. Along with that darkness comes a dark mind on my end of loneliness. I start to panic of all that I might have done wrong in those relationships to have caused these feelings deep inside.

This past year, I felt like I hit rock bottom with certain relationships among those who never responded or made any attempt to be welcoming right back. For me and my personality type (INFJ), this became very frustrating and discouraging. I started second guessing who I was as a person and how I may be coming across to them.

"Am I too nice? Do they find me too cheerful? Do I make things look too easy? Am I too positive and optimistic? Do they find my constant hand reaching out annoying? Why don't they say anything back? Do they hear me? Am I there? Did they get my texts/phone calls/emails? Why am I being ignored? Perhaps I spoke too soon on something or offended them somehow. I wonder what I did to have gotten to this point with them. What should I do now? Do I give them space? Do I keep trying? Do they even want me in their life?"

These thoughts played out in my mind so often. With some of these relationships, I've tried to stay connected through all various means only to be ignored. Being ignored by others is very hurtful to me. To say one is too busy to respond ever is entirely an excuse in my book to mean that I don't matter. As a homeschooling mother of seven with a husband who is gone quite a bit, I know the meaning of busy. But I also know the meaning of making time for those important relationships. Never do I expect perfection in responding, only some attempt on their part at some point. While I understand we all have times in our lives that get complicated or our mental situations drown us out, to be faced with years of this treatment is something else. To never once respond to someone or even allow them to know they exist is pretty hurtful. Even if I could be met with something about how they are busy, but would like to connect soon would be great to hear. However, I was met with nothing...not one word.

Over the past couple of years, I've read many self-help books, talked with people including a counselor, and even tried to make my way in understanding what was going wrong. I withdrew myself at times from things like social media so I could pray, seek God, and try to make sense of what was happening in my life. I stayed connected to those that did want to stay connected, but I took time to focus more on those relationships around me that were most important. I've been seeking friend's advice and help on certain relationships wondering what they thought and how they dealt with certain issues. At one point, I even thought I had a breakthrough moment with one of these difficult relationships only to realize we were back to square one with the not-responding technique.

What I've really taken away from all of this is that in the future, I won't be so aggressively seeking close relationships with those who don't welcome me in. I won't continue to send messages, make phone calls, or communicate with other ways unless they truly are willing to meet me halfway. I deserve to be around those who make me feel like I am worth something to them. I've learned the importance of boundaries and I'm seeking to apply them more. And I'm learning to let go of those who don't want me in their lives. Does it still hurt? The short answer is yes. Will I miss them? I will miss the good parts from the past. But in the future, I will look ahead for new opportunities with those who show love and respect in return.  For I am a woman of worth and I will surround myself with those relationships going forward that will truly matter.