New Year Dreams

Oh, my life is changing everyday, in every possible way. 

We never know what lies ahead of us, and yet through this life journey, we carry with us things from behind. Life events cause good and bad to happen, relationship changes, and new beginnings. This last year for me was filled with lots of this as I think back to all that may have happened. Some things were planned, while other things were thrown my way without my agreement. Yet, it all happened in ways to allow for change and growth.

And oh, my dreams, it's never quite as it seems, never quite as it seems. 

There are things I dream of happening and other things that prevent those dreams from becoming reality. Just when I imagine things to happen one way, life throws in a mix of something else, most often unexpected. So I dream and long for what I wished could have been instead. Sometimes, this causes anxiety beyond what I can bear. Sometimes, I realize that this is part of the growth God is leading me through to bring me closer to Him. Sometimes, it's opportunities to make changes in myself for the better. And sometimes, it's a chance to let things go to become something new.

I know I've felt like this before, but now I'm feeling it even more, because it came from you.

When I go through those unexpected hard times, I feel a pull from my savior drawing me closer to Him. There is no other way but to be drawn to Him. The alternative is to something unfortunate that leads to ultimate death. The way to my savior comes with a feeling of hope that leads to a future filled with everlasting life and happiness.

And then I open up and see the person falling here is me, a different way to be. 

The harder things became this year was a chance to fall harder into His arms. He held me when I didn't understand or know what to do. He listened and whispered his love for me, "Oh child, I'm here. Everything will be okay." So I trusted Him and didn't let go. I understood His intentions for me and stayed strong through it all.

I want more impossible to ignore, impossible to ignore.

And while I came to my savior each time, I knew I wanted more than what this life here on earth could ever give to me. I am here for a purpose and I'm apart of His plan, even when I didn't think I always mattered. He continued to nudge me and remind me that even through trials and tribulations, I served a purpose.

And they'll come true, impossible not to do, impossible not to do. 

While some dreams don't always carry out, there are dreams that I will continue to pursue. My dreams of new relationships with people who care to have time for me. My dreams of mountain filled air and wandering the countryside with my family hand-in-hand are my future. My dreams of a simpler life filled with less materialism and more good company are on my heart. My dreams of fun-filled days of laughter and celebration for the life He gave to me. My dreams of my children walking in the truth. My dreams of being surrounded in good company. My dreams of heavenly hope while I brace the future with my savior.

And now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don't hurt me. You're what I couldn't find. 

As I forgive and learn to let go of past relationships and hurt, I remember my Father's love for me. He has my heart and will never hurt me. Human love is filled with hurt and sorrow. But His love is optimistic and pure. There is nothing else in this world that can compare.

A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind; You're everything to me. 

Others will fail me and relationships are hard. I mess up as others do each and every day. But His love never fails. No matter the things I say and do, He forgives and accepts me as I am with kindness. He offers grace and mercy beyond what I could ever give to others.

Oh, my life, is changing every day, in every possible way. And oh, my dreams, it's never quite as it seems, 'cause you're a dream to me, dream to me.- The Cranberries

As we near the end of 2016, I reflect on all that it held. This was a difficult year for me as I learned a lot about myself in the process. I faced very unpleasant words by others. Often times, I was completely ignored by those who made no time for me in their life. I struggled my way through a lot of loneliness and sadness as I tried to understand certain aspects of life changes around me. I faced difficult health issues with my children and I was filled with fear for them. I balanced a lot on my own and struggled through feelings of rejection. There were times I had to step away and deal with my anxiety over it all. And often, I felt very alone as the bad overtook my thoughts.

One very impressionable person that I read about, Fanny Crosby, who dealt with blindness her entire life was once asked how she could be so happy near the end of her life. She responded that she lived each day with forgiveness and trust. That really resonated with me as I thought back to much of what I went through.

Some new things I am working on for this upcoming year is learning to forgive and trust. I am learning to let go of things that won't happen while embracing new dreams. I am learning not to let others make me forget my dreams and to continue on. I am learning that I have so many reasons to be thankful right in front of me. So I won't let those pessimistic and discouraging to bring me down. I am learning to dream new dreams. And I am learning to live each day with abandon for my savior.

Never give up, even when times are tough. Never give in to those who expect too much. Never let go of the people who matter most. And never stop dreaming and trying to make those dreams a reality. We only have one life to live here on earth. Never live with regrets and that is my motto for the new year.