Friday, November 7, 2014

When You Don't Know Where to Turn

Bullied time and time again, the young girl felt out of place.  Just shy of being eleven, she was quiet and often kept to herself. Her favorite past time was reading and she often found herself nestled at a table during recess. She made straight  A's and was considered the Teacher's Pet. But she often found no escape from the torment of a couple of other girls who made fun of her on a day-to-day basis.

One rainy day, she stepped outside of the classroom on the second floor and started to head down the stairs to recess. To be funny, one of her tormentors pushed her down the slippery, metal stairs. Hitting the bottom, she could barely move. After time of nursing her bruised back from the fall, she hid her emotions in her heart and tried to move on.

As the adolescent years came on with a vengeance, this girl continued to be bullied by mean girls. She couldn't understand it. It didn't make sense as to why she was plagued with such meanness. A series of events led from one thing to another and she soon found her relief cutting her arms with a razor blade. She felt abandoned, unloved, and afraid. This girl was me.

During my teenage years, I went through a rough period where I felt lost. I was confused and felt alone. I lost a lot of hope but I was never given up on. Growing up a believer, I was blessed to have that place in my heart that kept my hope alive. Even at my darkest moments, God brought people and situations into my life that kept me going. 

So when you don't know where to turn, don't give up. Turn to the One who always loves you and will never leave you. When you are in the Valley of the Shadow of Death, know that He is there. Never give up hope.

If I had given up like I wanted to many times, I wouldn't be where I am today. God had a purpose for it all. God had a purpose for me. He has a purpose for you too. He gave me life, not death. He brought me love when I didn't know I could be loved in this world.  He built me up to be strong and I came out better through it all because of what I endured.

Remember when David was being hunted down by King Saul. Saul was jealous of him and wanted him dead. David wrote in the book of Psalms about how he felt at times. He asked God for deliverance, which God gave him.

      Psalm 59:
  Deliver me from my enemies, O God;
    be my fortress against those who are attacking me.
Deliver me from evildoers
    and save me from those who are after my blood.
See how they lie in wait for me!
    Fierce men conspire against me
    for no offense or sin of mine, Lord.
I have done no wrong, yet they are ready to attack me.
    Arise to help me; look on my plight!
You, Lord God Almighty,
    you who are the God of Israel,
rouse yourself to punish all the nations;
    show no mercy to wicked traitors.[c]
They return at evening,
    snarling like dogs,
    and prowl about the city.
See what they spew from their mouths
    the words from their lips are sharp as swords,
    and they think, “Who can hear us?”
But you laugh at them, Lord;
    you scoff at all those nations.
You are my strength, I watch for you;
    you, God, are my fortress,
10     my God on whom I can rely.
God will go before me
    and will let me gloat over those who slander me.
11 But do not kill them, Lord our shield,[d]
    or my people will forget.
In your might uproot them
    and bring them down.
12 For the sins of their mouths,
    for the words of their lips,
    let them be caught in their pride.
For the curses and lies they utter,
13     consume them in your wrath,
    consume them till they are no more.
Then it will be known to the ends of the earth
    that God rules over Jacob.
14 They return at evening,
    snarling like dogs,
    and prowl about the city.
15 They wander about for food
    and howl if not satisfied.
16 But I will sing of your strength,
    in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress,
    my refuge in times of trouble.
17 You are my strength, I sing praise to you;
    you, God, are my fortress,
    my God on whom I can rely.
Heavenly Father, when I feel alone and afraid, bring me signs of hope. When I feel attacked by my enemies, help me to rely on You.  Like King David, may I sing your praises and rely on your strength to get me through those difficult times. Help me to remember that each person is made in your image and no matter how they treat me, help me to respond in love. I want to love others deeply. And Lord, help me bring hope to those who need it the most, those who suffered like I suffered. Help me to be that source of encouragement that will lead them back to you. Thank you, Lord, for second chances. Thank you, for loving me even when I mess up. You are amazing! Amen.
Taken from the To Write Love On Her Arms Website:
Self-injury is the deliberate harming of one’s body without the intent of suicide. Common self-injury behaviors include scratching, cutting, burning, hitting, biting, ingesting or embedding foreign objects into the body, hair pulling, and interfering with the healing of wounds. Research shows that, often, self-injury is used as a maladaptive coping mechanism to deal with intense emotions. (10)(11)

Some statistics:
-14-24 percent of youth and young adults have self-injured at least once. (10)
-4 percent of adults occasionally self-injure. (10) (11)

*Please note that I have not done this in years but my hope is to raise awareness. I knew many teenage girls that used self injury to cope through the adolescent years.


  1. I am so glad I am your neighbor today at FMF! Your story sounds much like mine. Thank you for sharing it. I would be honored to have you come by my little blog home for a visit. Not so much for today's FMF post, but for the two that come before it. I am so glad that you were able to find that safe place to turn and in turn are directing others to Him.

    1. I loved looking through your blog. I also saw somewhere that you are a fan of Chronicles of Narnia and White Christmas. I am pretty sure we are very similar! :-) Have a great day!

    2. I am. I also have a big family of 7 kids. Mine are just a tad older than yours. They are 15, 13, 12, 11, 9, 6, & 4.

  2. Oh my! My heart is breaking! Thank you for being brave enough to share! I teach high school and I see the horrible effects of bullying and it hurts my soul! I'm so glad that you draw strength from scripture! You are truly an encouragment!

    1. Thank you! Although this was between 15-20 years ago, it wasn't until the past couple of years that I've felt confident to share what happened with others. I hear so much about bullying in the news these days that I hope I am able to help others in the future. How neat that you teach high school and that you are able to bless others that you see suffering through it. Thanks for stopping by!

  3. So sorry to hear of your bullying. Sadly, things like that continue to go on. I'm glad you turned to the One who could comfort you. One day, there will be no more bullying, no more tears.

    1. Thank you for your comment! I am so thankful that there will be no more of all of this someday. Blessings, Carrie

  4. You are so brave to tell your story like this, so honestly.

    1. Thank you, iwillbloom! It's taken a lot of years so I appreciate the encouragement. Thank you for stopping by!

  5. I am blessed by what you have shared, Carrie. God is really gracious and kind and I am glad that you were able to get out of that "darkness" in your life. May you and your family be blessed today.


  6. Carrie, we have a lot more in common than you realize. Bless you for sharing your words of encouragement.