Saturday, June 10, 2017

High Expectations

When my husband and I were first married, I would have these high expectations of him to do things. Unfortunately, I wasn't always nice about it those first few years. I wanted a very clean home, yet my husband was a clothes-behind-the-door kind of guy. When we finished using our dishes, I expected each of us to rinse them and put them in the dishwasher. It would anger me when he set them on the counter next to the dishwasher (we're talking one bowl and spoon and I'd freak out). In my eyes, my counter wasn't clean enough. If he came in and set papers in a visible spot, I would grow frustrated. My expectations were too high as he was a very busy guy at the time learning how to fly new planes and going through pilot training. His schedule was very full and he had a lot going on. While I was busy as well working in the schools, I realized I was adding to the stress of our marriage by being angry over trivial things.

                                                    (Here we are as Newlyweds-2003)

Over the years, I learned about how to have more grace on him just as he learned to have more grace on me in other areas. Having our family grow in size quite a bit, I learned to let a lot of things go in the process. Perhaps, that is one of the many lessons God has taught me along the way. Now, we have seven children and as you can imagine, clean as in the way I originally dreamed in those early years of marriage is now laughable. I've definitely learned to let things go and not be so uptight.

Thinking of how far we've come with those petty arguments as we've gone along, I've learned that it's easy to expect too much from others. We are all filled with different personalities and different ideas for how things get done. Some (like me) prefer to do things right away. My husband tends to procrastinate more. Ironically, over the years, we've molded more to meeting in the middle. I've noticed that he doesn't procrastinate nearly as much. Likewise, I don't rush as often into things, though I still prefer to get to places early rather than late. (By the way, I am in search of a t-shirt that says "Always Early." 😉😉)

Bottom line, whether it's a marriage relationship, your children, a family member, or a friend, we must show grace when things don't live up to our expectations. Otherwise, we end up being upset over something they may not even realize truly affects us. And if we are on the other end of screwing up (missed birthday, forgetting to do something), we must be quick to admit fault. Perhaps, we can also explain in our relationships how that expectation is not our easiest aspect. But do try hard to be graceful on both ends and be willing to communicate our expectations as well so that we can understand each other better.

Please share down below with me! What are some of your high expectations? What do you struggle with when your expectations aren't met?


  1. Great post! Grace is indeed such a gift. Oh how easily we put such high expectations on one another. I too am always early to events. I'm over in the 43 spot friend.

  2. I completely understand the 'dishes on the counter next to the dishwasher' hard is it to set those darn dishes IN the dishwasher ;) ? After almost 29 years of marriage, my hubby and I have learned a lot, too. I still get impatient at times, but I'm getting better! I'm your FMF neighbor this week :).

  3. I definitely have high expectations across the board. I think as I've gotten older I continue to have high expectations for myself, but am much quicker to extend grace to everyone else. My hubs also has high expectations, so we get each other : ) You have a lovely family. Visiting from FMF today.