Friday, March 27, 2015

When It's Time to Break Up

Sometimes it's necessary to take a break from a relationship with someone, whether it'd be a family member or friend. Perhaps, the relationship is toxic and you find yourself mentally exhausted just by being around this other person. The other person repeatedly crosses the boundary lines and no matter how often you try to put up a fence to be who you are, they knock it down without any consideration for your thoughts or feelings.

I recently read one of the best books of my life called Changes That Heal by Dr. Henry Cloud. It truly changed my life and has helped me have a different outlook on the relationships that surround me. Here is a quote that I found very helpful in this book:

"We can't determine how successful we are living the Christian life by who is unhappy with us. If we feel responsible for other's displeasure, we are being controlled by others, not God. This is a basic boundary disturbance.

If Jesus had tried to make everyone happy, we would all be lost. If self-centered people are angry at you, it means you are learning to say no to evil. If mean people are displeased with you, it means that you are standing up to abuse. If Pharisaical Christians judge you, it means that you are becoming like your Savior. If your parents don't like the decisions that you feel God has led you to make, it means that you are growing up. 'Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their fathers treated the prophets.' (Luke 6:22-23)."

So Why Take a Break From a Relationship?

  1. The other person is trying to control you by their thoughts, feelings, and behavior
  2. You do not feel like an equal in the relationship
  3. Broken boundaries need to be looked at and repaired
  4. The Matthew 18 model did not work
  5. To find space to work on oneself through therapy, a pastor, and/or with God.
  6. To keep from stumbling down the wrong path (2 Cor. 6:14)
  7. To get away from negativity and bitterness so you can re-find joy in your life (Eph.4:31)
If you are needing to take a break from a relationship with someone, I  highly recommend you go get that book. It will change your life. 


  1. I have had to break off a few relationships and it is never easy. I thought I had healed, but after reading your post, maybe I had not healed completely. I may need that book. Visiting from FMF. Have a great week!

  2. I just had to break off a relationship with someone who was posing as my "friend" for almost a year. She turned out to be a major con artist - shame on me for not seeing it. I purchased the book.